The Decency of dealing with Pain

Rob Fenstermaker
3 min readJan 11, 2022


Decency in our personal life is realized when we understand that in our life are those areas that we need clean out.

There are those things that have happened in our life or continue to happen that we are not proud of. Sometimes these can be referred to as the skeletons in our closet. We know that those skeletons exist, but we want them to remain where they are and never bring them into the light of the day. We believe the lie that we tell ourselves that if they remain hidden then I can live my life as I choose. However, we know those skeletons are there and when we live our life with them in the closet, then we are living a life in which we are not true to ourselves. Being true to who we are only removes any doubt that we may have and move us towards being comfortable in our own skin.

Why do we hide?

Those skeletons that we allow to exist in our life are there as at some point we have used whatever they may be to mask some pain that we have. We believe the lie that by just masking the emotional or spiritual pain that we have, it will just go away. The more that we try to mask, the more that we must do for our pain to be forgotten. Sadly, it is never fully forgotten and is only forgotten temporarily.

The pain that we experience becomes chronic and never leaves. We develop a level of comfort with our chronic pain. This chronic pain that we experience diminishes our ability to become an impact maker as we know that the reason for this pain is that which we refuse to bring out into the light of the day. We become so comfortable in our chronic pain that we fail to recognize what it is doing to us personally.

Dealing with the Pain

This chronic pain that we have allowed to build by not being truthful with ourselves is not something that happened in a moment but happened over an extended period. There will be pain in exposing our chronic pain but the acute pain that we experience we experience may be intense, but it is the acute pain that leads to healing.

Snapping a bone in your leg is an intense form of physical acute pain, but when that bone is repaired and heals it becomes stronger at the point of the break. We too become stronger both emotionally and spiritually when we expose our chronic pain and replace it with the intensity of acute pain. Once we have completed the healing process, we are stronger and are more prepared to use our pain to make impact and to tell our story. The pain that we have is the story that needs to be told as a way of helping others to understand that they are not alone in their struggle and that they too can overcome their own personal pain.

Clean it Out

Remove from your life that which needs to be gone. There is no reason to hang onto it. Every Thursday evening, I haul my garbage down to my curb so that it can be taken away the following morning. I have yet to spend Thursday evening by my curb guarding my garbage so that no one can steal it, however, that is what we tend to do to those skeletons that we have hiding in our life. We begin to believe the lie that they cannot be brought into the light and we need to keep them hidden at all cost. In so doing, we fail to realize that we are a slave to that which bring us shame.

Is the time arrived for you to turn your pain into your crown? I would love to chat with you!



Rob Fenstermaker

A recent empty nester just trying to figure out this stage of life with the woman I love while sharing our fondness for travel.