Removing the what ifs from life
If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, what a wonderful world it would be.
We can spend an inordinate amount of time in the what if cycle. This is the cycle in which we continue to wonder about those events from our past and what if they had been different. What if that relationship had not ended the way it did, what if I had accepted this other job, what if I had said that what I felt needed to be said in that moment, and the cycle can go on and on. The problem is that spending time in this what if cycle is giving too much space to your past. Ruminating about a past event and what if it had played out differently is not living for the moment but hanging onto the past.
I understand that our past is what has created us to be the person that we are, however, failing to learn from our past never brings growth. Being in the perpetual cycle of what if creates regret for what could have been. When the focus and energy is on our what ifs of life, we lack the focus that is needed to grow and create our story. The creation of our life story is what defines us, and the great stories of life are those that display a story of strength, courage, and growth. Those three attributes never occur when our focus is upon playing out an event from our past with what could have been and failure to lean into what happened.
FAILURE WILL HAPPEN
No one is immune from failure, with the exception being the one who has never tried to challenge their beliefs. The what if cycle creates a series of self-limiting beliefs. When we hang onto the what ifs of our past, we provide energy to the self-limiting beliefs that we have developed and give them space in our life. When we are listening to someone, we have given them space which can create healing. However, giving space to the self-limiting beliefs created from the what if cycle creates remorse.
I have had many of those events in my life that had something been done differently either by word or deed, there would have been created a different outcome. Recognizing that within that moment, a choice was made. Every choice that is made has a consequence attached to it. Choices and consequences always go hand in hand, and it is when this reality is fully embraced, are we able to become more cognizant when a choice is needed. Spending time within the what if cycle only reminds us of what the consequence from the other choice may have been but the irony is that we can only assume what may have happened as we cannot replay the past.
CHOICES
Life is just a series of choices. We make choices every day, and many of those choices we do not even realize that they have been made. There are those big choices that we can fret over, those that can create anxiety, and those that can cripple us as we are so uncertain of the outcome. The irony is that many of those small choices that we never consider are the ones that can lead us towards those big hairy audacious moments in which an over whelming choice needs to be made. Creating the mindset of understanding how each choice can create a future impact, regardless of how small, enables us to make wiser choices moving forward.
We have this one life to live, why not live it out to the fullest? Giving energy to the what ifs of our life misses the direction of a life lived out. The mindset of forward vision is learning from our past and building our life. The construction of a fully lived life incorporates the lessons from our past to create our story of moving forward in growth. If you are stuck in the what if cycle, it is time to bring your life into the present and recognize that your story is important. It is time for you to use your life lessons to create the energy needed to build a new life. It is time for your story to be created as your story is what someone else needs to hear to move their life forward.
HOPE IS REAL
There is hope. Your past will only define you as much as you allow it to do so. You can define it as your calling card to creating your fully lived life or you can make the choice to allow it to define you as someone stuck in the past. It is the difference between a victory and victim mindset. The victim views their life within the prism that they can never amount to more. They may view their impact on a scale of 1–10 as a 3 and will not allow their level to exceed their personal life view. If they begin to see a level of success, they may self-sabotage their success to remain at the level they believe they reside.
However, the victory mindset desires to level up. The victory mindset seeks to move beyond their current level. They accept ownership, accountability, and responsibility for where they are in their life. They view their life as a great opportunity to journey to new adventures. They are living upon the waters of life and take charge by not allowing the currents to carry them. They are intentional in the direction they want to move. They place their OAR (ownership, accountability, and responsibility) into the water and begin to guide their journey. They are intentional in the direction they desire to move, and that desire is birthed through their choices. They refuse to live in FEAR (forgetting everything about reality) and are prepared to take a chance. There may be failure, but if failure happens, it is viewed within the prism of an opportunity to learn and succeed.
It is time to stop providing space to the past by allowing it to paralyze us into action. It is time to level up and create a new life. It is time to reveal to the world your story of victory. It is time to be the best version of you.
If you would have an interest in learning more about how you can achieve a fully integrated life, contact me at calendly.com/rob-fenstermaker to schedule a free 30-minute discovery session or at rob@robfenstermaker.com I am looking forward to serving you.
